It was 3 am. “You know what I think…” said Sharmistha, “As this night is moving towards the day, we are moving towards the night!”
3 am is a time, when our brains start to churn in a more contemplative mood, pondering about different philosophies associated with life. In this hour, conversations are deep and realizations deeper. In one of these hours, while having a conversation with my friend, Sharmistha, and unravelling different perspectives towards different personalities and situations, we realized something…realized about ourselves, realized about our peers, most importantly realized about this generation and the coming generations.
It seems the world, as usual, has struck a balance between an evolved external self and malnourished inner-self. In this advanced age, where technology and new discoveries are enhancing the way of life, evolving humanity scientifically, this humanity seems to degrade within, carrying a mind loaded with exigent perspectives and a heart that echoes out the inherent loneliness. We are somehow inclined towards destructive ideas and depressive thoughts, which indirectly forms our perspective towards life and shapes our identity. This results through the formation of many toxic relations, perspectives and habits that have taken a central position in the lives of our generation. Dangerously, when we try to ‘nurture’ our next generation with our perspectives of ‘reality’ and ‘right and wrong’, then this identity gets synthesized in them and that pattern follows. But, now the question lies, from where do we form this outlook? Are we carrying this burden of negativity from our previous generation? Is our Society responsible for it? Or is it a big manipulative structure that has been designed to push capitalistic ventures, effecting the external advancements? Many questions, but if answered might solve big chunks of issues.
Continuing with the phone call conversation, we were talking about a close friend, who is going through a tough time. Throughout her life, she has been seeking Love, but this desire led her through a continuous loop of toxic relations, where her love remained unreciprocated and abused, finally altering her perspective towards life and bringing in an acute sense of insecurity, which would occasionally come-out through sparks of hostility. Now, this behaviour has already started to push her close-friends and other associates away from her, finally making her feel lonely and dejected. Yet, one person constantly stays by her that is her toxic ‘Lover’. At this point, it seems she is more attached to her pain, expressed through her unwillingness of leaving her toxic partner, which is filling the vacuum, created by the loneliness residing within her. As time goes on, completely creating havoc in her internal self and external expression, we were wondering what implication can that have on her future and her child. This question wrecked our sleep!
Apparently, there are many stories similar to this. Debanjali, my friend and a psychologist who is into counselling, also shared many similar stories that she encounters in her sessions. The worst part of this entire situation is the restructuring of what is normal and what is not. Hence, the phrase that ‘Life is hard’ or ‘Life is not easy’ is a normal phenomenon that we are extremely comfortable into believing, as this has been and is still been penetrated into our belief systems, often used as a coping mechanism dealing with the daily struggles of life and situations. But, is it normal to assume that life is hard? Is life really hard? Or are we trapped within our own constructed maze?
Most importantly we first need to untangle some basic concepts about ourselves and our associated outlook along with the attached network of people we are with. We need to question why we are dwelling within these notions that tend to put a common structure and try to define life with a single viewpoint, which in its true sense cannot be defined? And also, who and what are we associating with these perspectives and where we are positioned in this?
Personally, I feel that it’s not life creating troubles for us, but it’s our fixed notions and thoughts about life that seems to disrupt us and shatter our confidence to break free from it. Moreover, a damaged individual collectively forms an unhealthy society that is constantly expressing contempt towards others and shaping other individual's concepts of self-identity in the process. This nonacceptance towards other individuals and a constant urge to 'perfect' them according to their ideas of what is right is even scarier, as, in all of these process we are just rejecting and judging, often expressing it in a superior tone, and smashing down their love for their own uniqueness and consciously or unconsciously inflicting them with the same attributes that have disrupted our lives. The never-ending circle then continues where our individuality does not feel appreciated and we tend to take the common route and merge with this crowd. Hence to enjoy the life we first need to break away from this and believe that the world has many colours and is not restricted to the tones of black, white and even grey.
How do you start this? Simple, First be honest about your opinions about yourself. Then think! think about how and why you have formed this opinion. Meditate from the point where your life started and think about the present self. Are you happy with who you are now and if not then why? What is it that you want to change? What impact does that have in your society around and the people associated with you? Am I harming anyone with my present state? If yes then why? (Also, harming people and making people unhappy are two different components. There can be many people unhappy with my opinions, ideas and my personality, which is absolutely human, but harming people is a separate thing altogether), Finally, are you happy with yourself and if not then why? When this is over, whatever the results and findings are, just accept it, accept yourselves and the array of reasons you get without judgement.
Ending with this note: let us perfect ourselves, not for anyone else but for ourselves, as when we are secure and happy with our own sense of being and identity then we have truly broken free from this trap.